It's Difficult to Say
by The Winged Lion of Coruscant
Summary: Remus has something he needs to tell Sirius. Sirius has something he needs to tell Remus. James knows everything. And Peter is missing. Slash. Fluff. RB/RL, SB/SS; no SB/RL, sorry . Side of JP/LE.
1. Secrets, Secrets

Chapter One: Secrets, Secrets

Sirius was not, as things went, particularly inclined toward hand-holding, or a myriad of other romantic things. Neither was Severus, so that was all good. Neither of them liked flowers, either, so that made everything easier as well.

They both liked chocolate (though Severus would never admit it) and the same books. Severus liked a few alternative Muggle bands and Sirius liked the Beatles, but that was OK, because during the week since they had become "official" their music was rubbing off on each other, until Severus found himself humming "Come Together" and Sirius found himself nodding his head to imagined, irregular drumbeats.

Sirius liked star-gazing. Severus did not. Sirius was going to attempt to correct this sometime in the future. Possibly tonight, if he could get away from his friends for long enough (getting Severus away from his friends was never an issue, as he had "acquaintances" and Sirius and nothing else).

Sirius wanted to tell his Gryffindor friends exactly what Severus meant to him. Severus did not want him to do so at _all_.

"Let's put it this way," he'd explained, keeping his voice slow and his tone patient. "You and I can be … together, and keep it secret. Or you can tell – Prongs and, and Moony and what is that ridiculous name you call Peter? Wormchow? – and they can rip me into little bits." He shrugged and leaned back into Sirius's embrace. "Your choice."

They were sitting outside, near the lake. The sky was cloudy and the air was heavy with darkness and dew and the grass was slightly wet from the thunderstorm earlier. Sirius was leaning back against a tree, Severus in his arms. It was dark enough that sight was no longer a reliable sense; Severus felt as if he could be balanced precariously in front of a gaping chasm, only Sirius at his back to stop him from falling.

_Ridiculous_, Severus immediately countered, as soon as he became aware of that thought. _There's a tree behind Sirius, not an abyss._ But still … it was a thought. Out here in the darkness, there wasn't much that you could be sure of, after all.

Sirius laughed, which caused Severus's heart to do very funny things. Like back flips and somersaults and cartwheels. "Or I can have both," the taller boy said. He smoothed back Severus's hair, to the other boy's extreme annoyance. "It was tickling me," he explained.

"Sure."

"Really."

"Hair cannot tickle people, Bla – Sirius. It's impossible."

"That's what you think."

Severus rolled his eyes. "All right. Back to the matter at hand. You cannot possibly come out to your friends _and _announce that your boyfriend is the 'greasy git' you've been pranking for the last five years at the same time."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, his mind only seeming to register the "pranking" section of that statement. He tightened his hold on Severus. "It wasn't … it was just supposed to be funny."

"It doesn't matter," Severus said, looking down. He studied the way the grass spread away from his hands, bending over away from him, pushing lightly against his palms.

"It does," Sirius replied. "And I'm sorry. Again." He kissed the top of Severus's hair.

"You're avoiding the matter at hand, Sirius," Severus said, raising his head back up. "Coming out to your friends will be difficult as it is, without also having to mention that _I'm_ the kid who made you 'go gay', as it were."

Sirius chuckled again, his chest shaking slightly as he did so. It was a rather pleasant feeling, Severus decided, being held against the other boy as he laughed. Not that he was going to encourage Sirius to laugh again. He didn't _do_ humor.

"Actually, it's not coming out. That happened in second year," Sirius said, drawing Severus's mind away from contemplating humorous statements and back to the conversation.

"Really?" Severus turned to look Sirius in the face.

"Yeah. I've known I was bi since – Merlin, since a long time ago."

"And you felt completely comfortable telling your friends?"

"That's what friends are for." Sirius grinned. "Remus just gave me this, 'And you thought we didn't know this already?' look. James said he was glad for me. Peter smiled nervously and assured me that was great and he was straight."

"Have you ever … you know … been interested in any of them?" Severus asked curiously.

"No. Not at all. It's – they're like _brothers_, see? Remus is like Regulus, except nicer, James is like some sort of less reckless twin, and Peter is the annoying baby."

"I see."

"And carrying the brothers metaphor further, brothers _don't_ keep secrets from each other," Sirius said, his tone less light-hearted. "So that's why I'm going to tell them. Tomorrow."

Severus scowled. "Sirius, you can't –"

"You look cute when you do that," Sirius told him, grinning mischievously. He leaned down and kissed Severus lightly. "Tomorrow."

* * *

How, Remus wondered, did you go about telling one of your best friends that you had a crush on his younger brother – without turning him into an ex-best friend, of course? And how did you tell that best friend that, coincidentally, his younger brother had a crush on _you_, and both of you had accidentally-on-purpose figured this out during a very eventful detention?

("You know," Regulus had said, his eyes shining with amusement, "I spent the last half hour wondering just exactly how I was going to fall on you in a way that would necessitate our lips meeting … it would have been a heck of a lot easier if you'd just _told_ me you felt the same way.")

It was morning in the Great Hall when he first tried. He had woken up earlier than his roommates (as per usual) and had gone down to breakfast, considering his problem and sorting through a myriad of possible solutions in his head. Sirius had sat down next to him about a quarter of an hour later, at least half-asleep if not more so. The other boy's eyes were almost closed and his hair looked like a bird's nest.

"Sirius?" Remus began.

"Arhgksfl?" Sirius replied eloquently, looking up blearily from his breakfast.

Remus panicked. "Um. Uh – your elbow's in the syrup."

"Barghjkl." Sirius lifted his elbow up and glared balefully at the golden liquid that dripped off his robe.

"Scourgify," James said, pointing his wand at Sirius sleeve as he sat down next to Remus. "Good morning."

Remus attempted a smile. At least Regulus wasn't _James's_ younger brother. "Morning."

"Mnhngg," Sirius grunted.

"Anyone seen Peter?" James asked, running a hand through his hair. He looked around the Great Hall, as if Peter might be hiding behind a statue or under a table.

Remus nodded. "Yep. He was pulling the covers over his head and groaning. I don't think we'll see him in Potions this morning." He glanced across the Great Hall, checking to see if the brown-haired boy had entered the hall since he had last looked; he hadn't.

"Five knuts say Slughorn doesn't even notice," James said.

James's eyes seemed to be looking straight through Remus, as if he knew the blond boy's secret; Remus turned red. "I'm not stupid enough to bet against _that_," he said belatedly, realizing that an answer to James's challenge was required. He turned back to his food hastily, moodily pushing it around his plate. Great. He couldn't even bring himself to meet James's eyes – and James didn't even have a younger brother. Besides which, he could probably have told Sirius that he thought _Snivellus_ was cute and his friend would have just said something like "Ghanijk."

Speaking of Snivellus … From where he was sitting, he could just see the greasy-haired boy out of the corner of his eye. The Slytherin looked, for some reason, just as distracted as Remus was: when Malfoy leaned over to say something to him, he jumped half an inch and two angry splotches of color burned on his cheeks. Remus wondered what to make of this – then ducked his head back down when he noticed Regulus sliding into place next to Snape.

Remus could feel James staring at him, but resisted looking up; it was a better idea just to stare at his plate. The plate, after all, was not searching for answers. "Is something bothering you, Moony?" James asked at last, looking at his friend in concern.

"Nope." Remus studied his pancakes as if they were the most interesting things in the world.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

"Because it seems like – look, it's Evans!" James's head snapped up, and he ran his hand through his hair again. He lounged further back in his chair.

Remus glanced up through brown bangs and saw the redhead sitting down with a few friends. "Yep."

"You're kind of being a bit of a conversation damper this morning, Remus," James said, his voice just slightly annoyed, his eyes still trained on Lily.

"Sorry, Prongs."

"'s OK."

Breakfast continued in silence, with James eying Lily, Remus eying his pancakes, and Sirius falling asleep on top of the butter.

* * *

Author's Note: I _will _explain how all of this came to be in later chapters! Don't worry. ;D


	2. Are No Fun

Chapter Two: Are No Fun

Sirius was beginning to regret setting so definite a date for talking to his friends. Saying "soon" might have been a better idea than "tomorrow". He'd never been a morning person, so he hadn't been able to say anything at breakfast, of course. But then he spent the rest of the morning in the hospital wing after Lucius Malfoy had "accidentally" spilled some ill-prepared potion on him and caused him to grow a beak – on top of his head.

At least Severus had escorted him to Madame Pomfrey's, seeing as they had been partners (Sirius had all but jumped with glee when Slughorn had announced this month's assigned pairs).

"I have this terrible feeling that you're just _bursting_, trying not to laugh at … this," Sirius told the other boy, gesturing at his new appendage.

"No," Severus said seriously, "if I wanted to laugh, I already would have laughed. I just snickered a bit, is all. You look ridiculous, not funny."

"Don't try to spare my feelings at all," Sirius said sourly.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

But now lunchtime had come and gone and Sirius _still_ hadn't broken the news. And to make things worse, he didn't have a _single_ class with any of his friends for the rest of the day. _Dinner_, he decided. _I'll tell them at dinner_.

*

Remus had been just about to blurt everything out to Sirius when Malfoy had spilled the potion on him.

Great, he thought, as a scowling Snape led Sirius out of the room. I was just about to tell my best friend I'd kissed his younger brother and then he grows a beak on top of his head. It bloody figures.

James spent all of Potions ogling Lily, so that was a lost cause. Peter still hadn't shown up. This was not his day.

Third period, though, was free for both him and James, and Remus found himself out on the school grounds with his friend, doing homework. Or, rather, Remus found himself doing homework while James fooled around with a stolen Snitch. James seemed to be able to snitch an inordinate number of Snitches – it probably had to do with the fact that McGonagall was the only professor who didn't fall all over herself and look the other way when James was involved (and even that was a near thing).

_I'll tell him about Regulus when I finish this essay_, Remus promised himself. _Just as soon as the essay's done._

He mostly ignored James as his friend talked about Quidditch, wishing Sirius was here so that Remus didn't even have to pretend to pay attention. He concentrated mostly on the essay, which rapidly became one of the longest essays he'd ever written before: in his attempt to keep himself from reaching the end of the essay, he waxed poetic on the properties of newt's eyeballs and spent a full paragraph on the habits of Transylvanian newt breeders. He let his mind become entirely consumed by the essay, which was why he said, "Hi, Sirius," when a black-haired boy said down by his side.

When a hand reached for his chin and dragged his face up so that he was looking into Regulus's eyes, he realized that the boy was not, in fact, Sirius.

"Hi, Romulus," Regulus said.

"I don't even have a brother named –" Remus began. His statement ended in a squeak when Regulus leaned forward and brushed his lips against Remus's.

"Um." Both boys turned to see James Potter staring at them, his eyes bugging out of his head. The Snitch escaped and flew off without him noticing. "Either of you care to explain?"

"Uh, well, this is Regulus," Remus said weakly, gesturing to his boyfriend.

"I kind of know that," James said drily.

"And he and I are, um, friends. Boys. I mean, boyfriends. Yeah."

"Since when?" James asked.

"Detention last night," Regulus said, smirking. "I kissed him and … yeah. Turned out both of us had been after each other for _years_."

"Does Sirius know?" James asked, looking remarkably calm for someone whose eyes had been threatening to become their own entities barely moments ago.

"No, not exactly. Not yet." Regulus looked curiously at Remus and the brown-haired boy shrugged guiltily. "He wasn't exactly awake at breakfast and then Malfoy gave him a beak in Potions and he had to go to the hospital wing. I didn't have a chance."

James nodded once. "I see."

"Yeah."

Regulus remained with them until the end of free period, doing homework along with Remus while James played catch with a "spare" Snitch he happened to have in his bag.

After about an hour, Remus had to leave for Arithmancy. As he stood up, brushing grass off his robes, Remus couldn't help but to notice Snape's stare: the other boy was watching them, his black eyes boring holes into the three boys. Remus idly wondered what had gotten Snape in such a black mood – Sirius had lately been refusing to prank Snape as much, saying that it wasn't as fun anymore, so it wasn't as if they _done_ anything recently – and then dismissed it as just Snape being Snape.

*

Transfiguration was Sirius's last class before dinner. Unfortunately, he had arrived late to class and had been unable to secure a seat next to his two best friends (Peter still hadn't showed up; Sirius wondered briefly where the other boy was, but then decided that odds were he was still in bed).

Observing Remus from across the room, Sirius noticed that the smaller boy seemed quite distracted. James, too, looked somewhat unfocused; Sirius wondered what had happened while he was with Pomfrey. Noticing the downright perplexed expression on Severus's face (well, a downright perplexed expression for Severus, at least – that is to say, one eyebrow was raised fractionally, and his eyes were slightly wider than usual), he hoped that nobody had pulled a prank on Severus while he'd been gone. That would be unfortunate. It also probably wouldn't make today the best of days for revealing what was going on between himself and Severus to the other Marauders, if the boys were all mad at each other.

"… any questions?" Professor McGonagall asked.

'Would you mind repeating everything you just said?' Sirius wanted to ask, but refrained from doing so, as that would involve revealing the fact that he'd tuned out _everything _his teacher had said.

"Thollary?" she said, calling on the redheaded Slytherin sitting two seats to the left of Sirius.

Thollary stood up. Sirius tried to remember the boy's first name, and found that he had no idea what it was whatsoever; it might be Ebenezer for all he knew. "Is the motion like this?" the possible-Ebenezer asked, forming a squat pentagon in the air with his wand. "Or is it like this?" His wand described a much more elongated shape this time.

"The second," McGonagall replied, straightening her hat primly. "Stretching spells are very, very complicated work, as you all well know, particularly when applied to living beings. Had young Mr. Thome used the original gesture when he said 'Eliartium Vivisdio,'" she paused for a moment for dramatic effect, "he could have, at best, cursed himself with a pair of elephant ears for the rest of the day. At worst, he could have blown up the classroom. Please be very, very careful about your wand-work when attempting this spell." She nodded again. "All right. Assigned pairs today are …" She pulled out a scroll. "Antilles with Lawliet. Yagami with Lupin. Janson with Snape. Kenobi with McCoy. Vimes with Jinn. Black with," she frowned at the scroll, but continued, "Black with Potter." She kept on reading while Sirius found his way over to his friend's side.

"What's up?" Sirius asked, trying to look nonchalant. "You look like you've got a secret, James. Lily snog you?"

James turned beet red and started spluttering. "Nothing like that," he said, once he had control of his vocal cords again. "It's – it's something Moony needs to tell you."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "That sounds ominous," he said, smirking.

"Why, Padfoot, old fellow, I'm surprised at you," said James, his voice (mostly) back to normal. "'Ominous' is very nearly four syllables!"

"Get to work, please!" McGonagall said, frowning disapprovingly in their direction.

The next half hour passed mostly uneventfully; Sirius and James had their hands full trying not to set anything on fire or grow extra noses to really talk with each other. After that, though, Thome, who was working with a brown-haired Gryffindor on the other side of the classroom, managed to give himself and half of the class matching walrus tusks, which ended class early as McGonagall tried to sort things out. Wormtail (who had snuck into class soon after Sirius himself came in) and Moony were unfortunately among the afflicted.

James suggested going out to the Quidditch pitch and fooling around on broomsticks, but Sirius nixed that idea; after all, dinner was in only half an hour. Instead, the two Marauders went up to their common room, where a heated game of wizard's chess began.

Sirius was only able to keep half his mind on the game, though. _Should I tell him now?_ he wondered, _Or should I wait until Moony's here?_

It was a difficult decision. James, who had been the most personally involved in the conflict with Snape, would likely be the one most angered by Sirius's choice of boyfriend. However, telling him one on one had its merits, and James was probably the closest to him of all the Marauders. Perhaps he could help Sirius figure out what to say to the others? He contemplated the idea as he exchanged pawns with his friend.

"Prongs?" Sirius began, as one of his knights bludgeoned one of his friend's rooks over the head.

"Yeah?" James was only half-paying attention to him.

"Um … I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Well …" Where was the Gryffindor courage when he needed it? This wasn't like admitting he was interested in Lily or anything, after all – it was just Severus. And James was his friend. _Come on, just say it!_ he urged himself. "I'm in love with Severus Snape."

It came out in a rush, but there it was: bold, slightly defiant, slightly devil-may-care. The statement hung in the air for a moment, neither of them saying everything. Then:

"Are you listening, James?"

"Yeah."

"And …?"

*

Author's Note: If you pay close attention, you can see that the list of students' names McGonagall read are all names of characters I like from various animés, books, TV shows, and movies. ;D Brownie points to anyone who can identify all of them! One's a slight spoiler for another series, but if you don't know what it is before reading it, it won't make any sense to you anyways, so that should be OK, right? Some sort of prize, possibly, if I can get my lazy self motivated, to the person who can name them all. ;D

To Samairi: Thank you so much for reviewing! I had an excited squee fit (my little sister can attest to this …) when I saw that I finally have a review, this being my first story and all. Snack = My OTP for HP, so I plan on writing more of it in the future. ;D

(Note well, everyone else: Samairi left a review. There are fifty-two of you out there or so who didn't according to my pageview stats page. Please review? Thank you kindly. ;D)


	3. Till They're Shared

Chapter Three: 'Till They're Shared

James burst out laughing.

"I'm not joking!" Sirius said angrily. "I'm in love with Severus bloody Snape. I've kissed Severus Snape. I've spent nights looking at the sky with Severus Snape."

"Do you have any idea how corny that last bit sounded?" James asked, still grinning. "And no, I don't think you're joking. It's just …" He grinned again. "Both of you at once!"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked, suspiciously.

"Never mind, never mind."

"What is it?"

"Let Moony tell you, OK?" James couldn't get the stupid grin off his face.

"Huh."

"Are you … are you sure?" James asked after a moment, his expression becoming serious again. "I mean …"

"I'm sure."

"How?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm all ears," James said, leaning back in his chair, his eyes trained on his best friend's face, the chess game forgotten.

"All right – fine. It was last week. Wednesday, after classes …"

*

Sirius had been bored. James and Peter were in detention for a stunt they had pulled involving Mrs. Norris and spray paint and Remus was pointedly ignoring him.

He had decided to go to the library, maybe annoy Madam Pince and perhaps try out that new sound amplification trick he and Prongs had been perfecting – though maybe he shouldn't, not while his friend was in detention. Maybe he should wait for James to be there before actually trying it out.

In any event, he was heading for the library when he bumped into Severus Snape. The corridor had been deserted, and Sirius had been running – after all, what was the point in walking when you didn't have to? A thrill of excitement ran through him as he raced along the corridors, knowing that at any moment a teacher could look out into the hallway and apprehend him. He had just turned a corner, sprinting, when he crashed into the smaller boy. Snape went flying, his bag tearing open, his books thrown all over the place. Sirius, for his part, bounced backwards into a wall and had some of the wind knocked out of him.

"That was brilliant, Black," Snape drawled, his voice angry. "Running through the corridors like a mad hellion is just bloody brilliant. Say, I wonder why it's against the rules? Maybe because sometimes you _crash into people and send their valuable possessions flying all over the place and break them_? No, that couldn't _possibly_ be why."

Sirius picked himself up, scowling at his enemy, who was showing no signs of movement or interest in standing. "Hey, _I_ wasn't the one stupid enough to carry 'valuable possessions' with me."

"Well then where do you suggest I leave them?" Snape asked heatedly, pulling himself up into a sitting position. The other boy moved … oddly, Sirius realized, noticing it for the first time. He moved in a sort of graceful but understated way, as if attempting to attract the least amount of attention possible. Sirius found it fascinating, for some reason. "In the dormitory? That's a _great_ idea; then my fellow Slytherins can break them instead of you. At least _they_ do it on purpose. You just do it by sheer idiocy."

"Oh, thanks," Sirius said, affecting offense. He tried to stop watching the way the other boy's limbs shifted as he moved. He moved his eyes up to his face – which was a mistake, because without Snape's motions to distract him, he became entranced by the Slytherin's eyes. They were black – Sirius had noticed that before – but he had never been close enough to notice just how black … There were magnetic and frighteningly empty, and Sirius couldn't drag his own eyes away from them. "And what do you mean, your fellow Slytherins breaking your stuff?" he added, after a moment.

"What do you think I mean, Black?" Snape asked. He glared up at Sirius, fury in his eyes. "Use your brain for once – I know it's hard for you, but try."

"I think you mean that your housemates break your things," Sirius said flatly. "But that makes no sense."

"Why not?" Snape challenged him.

"Because – because they're your _housemates_," Sirius said. He couldn't believe he was having to _explain_ this to someone. In fact, he couldn't believe he was actually having a civil conversation with Snape – but that was less immediate than the point he was trying to make right now. "Housemates stick together."

"Really?" Snape asked, bitterly. "Then can you explain why mine seem to delight in tormenting me?"

"Maybe it's because you're not actually all that friendly," Sirius shot back. "I personally don't enjoy talking with people who tend to stick their overlarge noses into other people's business. I doubt your housemates do, either."

"Well maybe I _wouldn't_ snap at people if they didn't antagonize _me_," Snape argued.

"You think we antagonize _you_?" Sirius asked, outraged. "_We're_ not the ones who call people – who call people Mudbloods and Blood Traitors." He spat the terms out, his mouth contorting as he uttered the slurs.

The words seem to strike a chord in Snape; the rage burning in his eyes seemed to die down slightly. "And you don't think you'd do the same thing if it was the only way you could possibly get people to accept you?" he said, quietly.

"So if your friends jump off cliffs, you jump off too?" Sirius asked, sneering, the mesmerizing effect of Snape's eyes broken when he looked down.

"You don't get it at _all_, you idiot," said Snape, his voice strained. "You jump off cliffs if you think your 'friends' will shove you off higher ones if you don't jump first."

"At that point, it's probably a good idea to find better friends," Sirius said, his voice extra-patient as if he were explaining something to a small child.

"And it's just that easy, isn't it, Black?" Snape said. His shifted his legs, so that he was sitting in a hunched over position, head still facing the ground, knees curled up to his chest.

"Well … yes," said Sirius, feeling slightly bewildered. Of course it was. You just … you just went up to someone, introduced yourself, cracked a few jokes, smiled. _Easy_.

"Gryffindors," Snape said tightly. "You're practically _Hufflepuffs_ when it comes to friendship."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked. He was beginning to feel slightly awkward, standing there, leaning against the wall, while Snape sat huddled on the floor in the middle of the corridor.

"You think Slytherins 'make friends' easily?" Snape asked sarcastically.

Sirius shrugged. "Why not?"

"Why do you think not?" Snape asked. "We're bloody back-stabbing snakes, that's why!"

Sirius paused, considering it. "Then … then act friendly to someone in another house. I don't know – a Ravenclaw, maybe. Go up to some Ravenclaw and introduce yourself."

"Oh, whoever it is, they'll know me all right," Snape said, his voice oddly distorted. "What, you don't think they don't notice 'Snivellus', make a mental note that acting friendly to him equals certain death from the Marauders?"

"Well …" Sirius paused. "We wouldn't mess with someone just because they associated with you."

"Oh, yeah?"

"What, you don't think that –"

"I don't think that you'd be able to stop yourself, Black. None of you _Marauders_ know when enough is enough," Snape sniped.

"That's not true at all!" said Sirius.

"Then why haven't you moved on to someone else and stopped picking on _me_?" Snape asked, his voice thick with disgust. "You've made my life miserable for _five_ years – and you think _you_ know when enough is enough."

"That's different," Sirius said hotly. "We weren't the ones to pick the first fight."

"Right. I was the one who made the disparaging comments on the Hogwarts Express the first day of first year?"

"Yes!"

"No, actually. No."

"You _were_," Sirius said. "You said something to James about brawn versus brains –"

"Yes – right after_ he_ insulted the whole of Slytherin house."

"Regardless of what happened on the train," Sirius said, mentally adding, 'and even though we'll never agree about it', "you were the one who couldn't just let it go and had to turn it into some big issue."

"_I_ was the one?"

"Yes! _You _were the one who didn't know how to just live and let live, O Almighty Slytherin."

"You were the one who – you and Potter and Lupin and Pettigrew – all of you were so – and everyone likes you!" Snape said, his voice rising in pitch until it sounded more emotional than Sirius had heard it before. Angrier than he had heard it before, certainly. "Everyone likes _you_! You don't work hard – Merlin knows, you don't even _try_ in your classes – you just spend all of your time fooling around on some, some bloody _broomsticks_ playing _games_ – and everyone _loves_ you. You – you fascinate people – you attract attention – and it's not _fair_. I work hard, I study hard, I spend all of my time and time that I don't even _have_ to spare learning, and I'm just that greasy git that James Potter and Sirius Black use as a punching bag."

"Well, maybe if you tried to socialize more –" Sirius began, his mind returning to the point he'd been making at the beginning of the conversation.

"With _whom_?" Snape demanded. "Whom _exactly_ do you suggest I socialize with?"

"I – I don't know," Sirius admitted.

"Exactly," Snape said, his voice flat. Sirius realized, with a start, that Snape _still_ hadn't looked up from the ground. It was … strange. It was odd to look down at him, too; from above, he looked like he might just be any other student, albeit one with abnormally long and greasy black hair. "Nobody wants to associate with Snivellus, and I don't even _want_ to talk to anyone – just for people to leave me alone – except they won't even do that, because all of a sudden it's cool to push me around and _everyone_ follows the Marauders." His voice changed slightly; it became quieter. "Even _I_ can't bloody help fall under your spell, you God-cursed, charismatic –" he stopped abruptly and shuddered slightly.

"What?" Sirius asked. "Go on – what were you going to say?"

"Never mind," Snape said, tiredly. He raised his head to look back up at Sirius, and his face was absolutely blank – save for some unidentifiable emotion that burned in his black eyes like a furious fire. His voice gained strength as he continued, "Just forget this all happened, OK? Just – forget it." His tone became more bitter, with a dark undercurrent of humor, as he continued, "You're good at forgetting things, it seems."

Sirius tried to think of something to say, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder and nearly jumped a foot as he realized Snape was using him as a crutch to help himself up. He stumbled backwards slightly – enough so that Snape fell forwards and ended up wrapped around him, his face just under his.

Time seemed to come to an abrupt standstill. Snape was staring up at him, his body pressed against Sirius's own, black eyes meeting and matching the intensity of gray ones. Something seemed to flicker in Snape's eyes for a moment – and then he closed them and leaned up so that his lips brushed against Sirius's.

It was, Sirius realized, a nice feeling. Snape – _Severus_ (if they were kissing, they had to be on first name terms, after all) wasn't at all pushy or demanding like other boys and girls Sirius had kissed; on the contrary, he seemed downright cautious and anxious as to how far he could go. It was – and here Sirius's mind paused, asking him twice if he was sure this was the right word to use, as it had never, in living memory, been applied to the pale boy who was currently kissing him – almost _cute_. It felt … it felt nice to have Severus – the smartest boy in their year, whom Sirius had hated from the depths of his soul but had never been quite able to refrain from admiring (only slightly, of course) for his resilience and ability to keep on going all alone and his sharp, cutting, acerbic intelligence – right here, resting against his chest, looking up at him with his lips pressed against Sirius's own.

Severus broke away from him a moment later, and made as if to jerk away from him – but Sirius had been prepared for that, and his arms came up immediately to stop Severus from leaving, wrapping around the greasy-haired boy. The Slytherin struggled weakly once, twice, and then slumped forward against Sirius, burying his head in the taller boy's chest. They stood like that for a few moments, neither speaking.

"All right," Sirius said finally, his voice sounding strange to his own ears. "I'll … I'll let go for a moment if you promise not to try to bolt. We'll clean up your stuff and then we'll go somewhere – the library – and talk about this. OK?"

Severus nodded.

They split apart, the two boys kneeling over almost in unison and gathering up the missing materials. Severus was not quite able to meet Sirius's eyes; the Gryffindor had no such qualms.

_Is this why I've been noticing everything about Sna – Severus recently?_ he wondered, as he performed a quick cleaning charm to get ink out of one of Severus's books. He was almost sure that if Severus hadn't leaned upwards to reach his lips, _he_ would have leaned down. There had been something – some sort of change – something almost magical – as he looked down at Severus. And before that, while he listened to Severus speak …

He placed the books in the knapsack, and made as if to put it up. Severus growled under his breath and pulled it away from him, taking the bag for himself. The message was clear: "I might have sort of snogged you, but that doesn't mean you can consider yourself my knight in shining armor or anything now."

They headed towards the library mutely, Sirius walking a few steps behind Severus. The only person they met on their way to the library, a Hufflepuff second year, seemed surprised to see the two fierce enemies walking together, but she just hurried away without saying anything, as if worried the tension in the air might become volatile and explode in front of her.

They made their way to a table in the back, Severus plunking his bag down in a chair and sitting next to it, looking more tired and defeated than Sirius had ever seen him. He seemed almost _human_, if that word could be applied to Severus Snape. Certainly, he had just expressed more emotion in the last half hour than Sirius had seem him exhibit during all of his years in school.

They talked for a long, long time – past dinner, all the way to curfew, when Severus left to go back to the Slytherin dormitory and Sirius let to go back to his four-poster bed in the Gryffindor dormitory and explain where the heck he'd been to his friends.

Statements and apologies and questions flew around both boys' minds as they walked the halls.

"Since Year One," Severus had admitted. "You were so … so bloody handsome and confident and sure of yourself and everything _I_ wanted to be, and you laughed and you just made other people want to laugh with you."

"I hated you for it for a while, because you treated me like scum and I _still_ admired you," he'd added later.

"And you have all these friends and people who like you – you're capable of just smiling and shrugging and laughing and everyone falls all over themselves to help you," he had said.

Sirius turned those remarks over in his mind and considered them as he walked back to his dorm, thought about what they meant for him – for them. For the two of them, and whatever kind of crazy, crackpot relationship they had now.

Severus was thinking and remembering, too.

"I'm sorry," Sirius had said, at one point near the beginning. "We didn't realize – it was just that you were fighting back and we figured, what's the harm in that?: we all hate each others' guts and we're all up to it so that's OK."

"I never thought it was ruining your life until you said so," he'd remarked quietly, sometime later. "I thought it was just a game."

"I'm sorry and you're right about it mostly. And you're smart and kind of funny and I like you for it and you're cute. There." He had smiled briefly, a quick but brilliant grin that Severus found himself wanting to match. "I think that's about it."

His feet clattered against the cold stone floors of the hallways he traveled as he headed down to the dungeons. His eyebrows were almost meeting in the middle and he was watching his feet: he was thinking, thinking hard. Sirius didn't seem to have been faking – Sirius had seemed so genuine – and he hadn't exactly rejected him when he'd kissed him, had he?

It was a beginning, and the feeling both boys were left with (mostly), after they'd each turned out the lights in their respective rooms and were huddling under their blankets trying to get to sleep, was small and warm and comforting. Hope, perhaps.

*

"Wow." James blinked once. "That's … intense."

"I know, right?" Sirius said, with a slight, fond smile. "And we've been spending time together for a week, now."

"You're serious?"

Sirius grinned. "Well, I'm sure as heck not Regulus."

James laughed – more than was necessary, Sirius thought, for such tired joke.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"Uh – never mind," Prongs said quickly.

"So … so you're OK with it, then?" Sirius asked. His voice seemed nearly anxious – though of course, that wasn't an emotion Sirius Black was capable of feeling. He didn't _get_ nervous.

"Well – I mean, _I'm_ never going to declare Sniv – Snape my blood-brother or anything," James said, with a slightly forced laugh, "but if he makes you happy …"

"He does."

"All right, then." And the conversation, it seemed, was over, as James looked back at the chessboard and said, "Pawn to B4."

*

Thanks for all the reviews, everyone! And apologies for the hiatus: first I had NaNoWriMo, and then I had pre-exam-things. Yeah. Sorry!

LeMaki, Samairi: Yeah, poor James. It gets even worse in this chapter. He is enjoying it a bit, though … ;D


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